A Guide to Death and Mourning | Temple Adat Elohim

Jewish Funerals and Mourning Support at Temple Adat Elohim

The time of death of a loved one can feel overwhelming. Please know that as part of the Temple Adat Elohim community, you do not walk the mourner’s path alone. Our clergy and community are here to offer guidance, comfort, and support at every step.

While the information below answers many immediate questions, our doors and hearts remain open if you need to talk, ask questions, or simply be held by our community.

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Immediate Steps When a Loved One Dies

If death occurs at home, call 911. If your loved one was under hospice care, contact the hospice agency instead.
If death occurs in a hospital, the hospital staff will guide you through the first arrangements.

Contact the Temple for Support and Guidance

Please call the Temple as soon as possible: (805) 497-7101.

During business hours, our staff will connect you with a member of the clergy.
After hours, choose option 1 during the welcome message to reach the clergy member on call.
If you reach a voicemail, please leave a detailed message, and your call will be returned as soon as possible.

Even if the death occurred outside our local area, we encourage you to call so that we can respond with support and comfort.

Choosing a Mortuary and Planning the Funeral

Our congregants often use the services of:

Mt. Sinai Memorial Parks and Mortuaries (Simi Valley): 800-600-0076
Pierce Brothers Valley Oaks (Westlake Village): 818-889-0902

Arrangements may be made through the Temple for the purchase of a burial plot at either of these locations.

A memorial or funeral service may be held at the cemetery, a private home, or the TAE Sanctuary. Our clergy will be available to officiate for TAE members and their immediate families. Please consult with our clergy before setting a time for the funeral service.

Organ Donation as a Sacred Mitzvah

Organ donation is considered a mitzvah (sacred obligation) and a powerful way to save lives. If you are considering organ donation for your loved one, we support this choice and are available to talk it through.

To learn more about the Jewish perspective on organ donation, please visit the Reform Movement’s Organ Donation Information. Reform Movement’s Organ Donation Information ››.

Cremation

Burial has long been the traditional Jewish practice for honoring our dead. At the same time, we recognize that some of our loved ones may request cremation.

At Temple Adat Elohim, our role is to honor the dignity of the deceased and to comfort the bereaved. When a family chooses cremation, we accompany them with compassion, provide appropriate prayers and rites,
and ensure that the remains are treated with reverence.

Casket, Ritual Preparation, and Chevra Kadisha

In keeping with tradition, caskets for a Jewish burial are usually of simple wood construction and remain closed before and during the service.

A chevra kadisha (burial society) may be requested through the mortuary or by contacting The Valley Chevra Kadisha at (818) 287-6155. For more information, please speak with our clergy.

Embalming and autopsies are generally discouraged in Jewish practice, although state and local laws may take precedence.

Support for Interfaith Families

Our clergy are available to conduct a funeral or memorial service for a family member, even if the deceased was not Jewish.

The service may be modified in consultation with our clergy to reflect the unique needs and beliefs of the family.

We also encourage Jewish family members to follow a path of mourning for non-Jewish loved ones.

For guidance, please consult with one of our clergy.

Jewish Funerals and the Path of Mourning

Timing of the Funeral

Funerals are held as soon as possible, traditionally within 24 hours of death. Delays are acceptable to accommodate out-of-town family and friends or cemetery scheduling. Funerals are not conducted on Shabbat (Saturday) or on Jewish holy days.

Shivah: The First Days of Mourning

Immediately following the cemetery service, guests often visit the family at their home to offer comfort.

It is a mitzvah to sit shivah for seven days after the loss of a parent, spouse, child, or sibling. Shivah includes reciting kaddish (the mourner’s prayer) and refraining from normal routines. A TAE clergy member or congregant is available to lead a brief service in your home each evening. Many families choose to sit shivah for 2 or 3 days, while others observe a full week. If a minyan (ten Jewish adults) is not expected, we can help arrange for congregants to join you.

Mourners recite kaddish at TAE on Shabbat (Friday night) and then resume shivah on Saturday night. Your loved one’s name is recited during Shabbat services for the first 30 days.

Members of our Sisterhood may help prepare the home for the family’s return—please let us know if this would be helpful.

Shloshim: The First Thirty Days

Shloshim is the balance of the 30-day mourning period following shivah.

During this time, mourners usually return to work and daily life but often refrain from social events.

At the end of shloshim, the ongoing obligation to recite daily kaddish continues only for those mourning a parent.

The First Eleven Months

For the first eleven months, mourners for a parent traditionally recite kaddish regularly.

At our Shabbat services, mourners in this period are asked to rise and say the name of the loved one for whom they are reciting kaddish.

Yahrzeit: Marking the Anniversary

Yahrzeit is the anniversary of a death. It is customary to light a 24-hour yahrzeit candle at sunset the day before.

Members of our congregation choose to observe either the Jewish or secular date.

The name of the deceased is read in the synagogue on the Friday night of the yahrzeit.

Many mourners also honor their loved one’s memory with a monetary contribution to the synagogue.

If you wish to have the name read on a different date, please call our office.

Unveiling

The unveiling and dedication of the grave marker usually occur around the 11th month of mourning. This brief ceremony can be conducted by a member of our clergy, a family member, or a friend.

Yizkor Services

Four times each year, Yom Kippur, Sukkot, Passover, and Shavuot, Temple Adat Elohim conducts a special memorial service called Yizkor.

We encourage you to attend these services as a way to remember and honor your loved ones.

Mourning the Loss of Friends and Extended Family

While there is no formal obligation to observe the full mourning practices for those outside our immediate family, we know that the loss of close friends and extended family members can be deeply painful.

Please contact our clergy for guidance and support if you are grieving such a loss.